The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows.

Dear Future Me,
You will be turning 27 when you read this. To me, that seems very old. I can't believe I am about to be 26. Where has the time gone?
My biggest worry has always been that when I get older, I will have regrets. I never want to have regrets and that is my biggest driving force in life. Is it still? Probably. I don't see us changing that much in a year. But then again, a year ago we were in a much different place than now. We are in a good place.
My advice...always keep moving. Keep going forward and progressing. You know how much I hate stagnation. It's not good for our emotional health.
Remember when Atrion would come sprinting into the bedroom at the trailer we lived in? He would be so excited that you were going to wake up for the day so he ran pell-mell into the room and jumped on the bed and elbowed and kneed his way into the middle of the bed to snuggle. Then, he would politely ask for "Bobby". Meaning, he wanted to watch Veggietales on your iPod. I know that I get annoyed with him in the moment, but I don't want you to forget that. It's a precious, sweet thing that some people never experience or appreciate.
You know our husband? Yeah, the amazingly awesome, smart, and devastatingly handsome one? I hope you are treating him well. Things are so good now. We both get to stay home with Atrion and work on projects we want to do. He is writing you know. He's a writer. Make sure he is still a writer, for me okay?
Right now, I want to go home. I miss Idaho so bad. I keep thinking about the Fall season and the wonderful smells, feels, and sights that come along with it. Crunching leaves, crisp, cold air, pumpkin pies, cinnamon scents, spooky decorations, excited kids, mittens, jackets, hats, scarves, seeing your breath, little tigers and witches running around, snuggling up and watching a scary movie where it's warm, the sense that Christmas is coming and that wonderful Christmas Spirit that pervades the months of November and December.
I don't know what fall is like here. I here it gets cold, but I am worried it isn't the same. Of course it isn't. I shouldn't care about that, but it makes me home sick. I want to be in Kathy's kitchen with all Cody's family frosting cookies or having a cooking contest. I miss Lynn dozing off in the chair, and Shelby subtley taking all her amzing pictures. I miss Shy. She makes me laugh hysterically and will drop everything to help someone out. I miss Sierra. She's such an amazing friend and sister. She is so kind hearted and will freely give compliments that make you feel special. I loved having them all so close.
I miss my Mom and Dad.I miss being able to drive a few hundred miles and stay with them a couple of days. I loved "vacationing" at their house and having my mom give me a big hug and kiss on the cheek or head and talk to me about everything. I miss my Dad and his cynical sense of humor. The way he works so hard all day. He was always there for my track meets and even helped coach. He would come home and get me and take me to the junior high school to practice throwing. I remember we would throw until the sun would set and we couldn't see any more. I love that. I miss sitting in the living room chatting with everyone until the late hours of the night laughing our heads off. Yes, we were making fun of someone probably, but it brought us closer. I miss Jake and spending time with him. He became an amazing friend to Cody and I. He is hilarious and brilliant. I am so proud of the person he has become. I am glad he made it through his high school experience with just that...a lot of fun experiences. He seems so sure of himself.I was never that in high school.
I miss Nate. My big brother. I pray for him every night and I hope he knows how much I love him. He's got such a big heart and just accepts people for who they are. I miss Halle, and Easton, and Reese, and Kairi. They are amazing. They are beautiful, they are sweet and innocent.
I am glad I am close to Laura and Josh and Carter. Those are three of the most wonderful people in the world. My sister is my best friend. I am too mean to her. I am too grumpy at Carter. I love them both so much, though. I will try and appreciate them more so that in a year from now, you have no regrets. Josh is one of the coolest people I know. I wish I could absorb some of his talent.
Don't forget that you have accomplished a lot since you moved here. It was not a mistake and you are supposed to be here. Its incredibly hard, but it's very much worth it...I hope. Well, you tell me. Was it worth it? I will try hard to make it worth it. After all, it's up to me right?
My hope is that you grow. That you learn from every experience and glean whatever you can from it. My hope is that you love and not forget. Don't ever forget the little, precious moments with Atrion. The way his bink wiggled up and down in his mouth, the way his little toe sticks out all funny. How he laughs until he turns beet red at silly things. His teeth. :)Bonks. Loves. Bobby. Larryboy. Peekabo.
My hope is that you eventually go home. Idaho is the best place, but we will go where we are needed.
In a year, you should have at least 6 trailers if I continue at the rate I am going. That's about $3500.00. You can go home then.
My hope is that you live with no regrets. I will try my best to make that happen.
Love,
Me