Honesty

I think it's time for me to be honest with myself about my faults. Everyone has them, right? It's just a matter of acknowledging them and moving forward to try and be better.

Struggle One:

I love this church. I believe in the gospel and I have a firm testimony of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith. I love Relief Society and the feeling I get when I am surrounded by other sisters in the church who are going through their own trials, but we are connected. We are daughters of our Heavenly Father and we have divine nature.

I love Sundays but I struggle with Sundays. As a family, we struggle with Sundays. In November, I started staying home from church because of morning sickness. After the miscarriage, I stayed home from church due to anxiety and depression and not knowing a single person in the ward. I was angry.

Now, it seems on any given Sunday someone is sick or not feeling well, or we didn't get enough sleep. If it's Cody not feeling well, I don't have the stamina to handle getting Atrion ready for church by myself and trying to sit through Sacrament alone. It's an excuse of course. I handle Atrion by myself basically every day and I want him to go to church and know that it's part of our week every week. If it's Atrion that doesn't feel well, then neither of us wants to go to church alone while the other stays with Atrion. If it's me that doesn't go to church then we all stay home because Cody feels the same way I feel in scenario one. If the stars all align and we are all feeling somewhat healthy and energized then we make it to church. Or if I am feeling extra guilty. Guilt works wonders on my soul.

I want to go to church every Sunday. I feel a lot of the time that if it was just me, I would be there every week. I did awesome when I was in college and lived by myself. I want my family their with me on Sundays. I want to do good in my callings and I want to make friends in the ward. It's hard to do if no one knows who you are though.

I am tired of the excuses. I am tired of being a hypocrite. I am going to renew my efforts to go to church every Sunday. I want to be able to be worthy of my Temple recommend again. These last few months have been a life lesson to me, but it's time to move on and get back to work.

Struggle Two: I am always so tired. I have no energy. I have always enjoyed sleeping and since I was a baby I have slept a lot. I think I would probably sleep for 12 hours and before I feel fully rested. I am not sure why that is. During my pregnancy I had anemia but my iron levels are fine now. I was tested for hyperglycemia but nothing ever came of that. I know my medication makes me tired. It seems like no matter how early I go to sleep, I am always tired when Atrion wakes up. I have never liked rising early. I like the 10:00 wake up time and going to bed at midnight. That's my favorable time frame. That's when I have the most energy. It is impossible to do when you have a kid though. And responsibilities. :) Oh well. I am over it. I just want energy. So, here's my plan. I am going to wean off caffeine. I am going to exercise, and I am going to eat healthy. I started off so well and then dropped the ball once I allowed exceptions to my rules. If after 8 weeks of this I still don't feel well then I will speak to a professional.

I think this is plenty to work on, eh?

On a lighter note, isn't this necklace huge?

These are some awesome finds from an antique store I couldn't afford to purchase but absolutely love to death: